my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
