I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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