I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
