I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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