just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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