my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
