Michael Bay diarrhea
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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