Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I fill condoms, not promises.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
