I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You ruined the universe
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
