he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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