Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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