so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Can I color on your dick again?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
