I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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