I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's always time for handjobs
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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