two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
