She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
