i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
