I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
