Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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