I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
