No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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