doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You are the jesus of drinking
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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