3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wannas sexs uuuuu
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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