i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
