Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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