ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
