i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
