I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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