I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
