you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
