i jhust puked up my retainher.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
