Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
