thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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