every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Randomize
