I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
