Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
