Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
