He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
