the new term for farting is butt boxing.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
No subtext here. People are naked.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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