I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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