Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
