Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
