so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
