i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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