Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
