So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
