Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
There's even glitter on my cock...
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