I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
