i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
