dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Is it penis luge time yet?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
