Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
